IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEZING WEATHER I HAD A MELTDOWN
“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again” Proverbs 24:16a.
Even Frosty didn’t go away until “the sun was hot that day.” But I blew it. I had been doing so well. I thought I was over the hump and just maybe I had learned the secret of stringing a number of faith-filled days together back to back to back.
Oh no! Not so fast. “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall” (I Corinthians 10:12). All it took was one unguarded moment, one carefully aimed poison dart from the enemy, and a perfect storm of converging deadlines, stresses, and potential problems that were completely out of my control to create an unforeseen eruption of toxic emotions. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Fear. Doubt. Worry. Discouragement. All of it converged together simultaneously with just a single perfectly targeted dart from the enemy being all that was needed.
Thoughts and words I thought had been erased by a transformed mind were not gone at all. They were all still there, sitting patiently like a dormant volcano that was not showing any signs of unrest but suddenly came to life. I googled it: “Many dormant volcanoes have not erupted for thousands of years, but have still shown signs that they may be likely to erupt again in the future.”
I’m not certain if I was angry at someone, angry at myself for being angry, or angry at God for not changing my circumstances. Whatever it was, I didn’t like it. But this time it was different. I didn’t want to get as far away from God as possible. I wanted to find my way back as soon as I could. I was down on myself for not having changed. However, I have realized that I have changed.
My mind used to be a maze of deep and familiar pathways where lies from the enemy freely flowed. Today, the thoughts from the enemy were uncomfortably in the weeds instead of rapidly flowing unhindered down well-worn ruts. I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. Even though I failed miserably, it was different!
What did I do to get my focus again on Jesus? I stopped. I challenged my thoughts. I confessed my sin. I spent some time with the Lord. I listened to some worshipful music. I read some Scripture. And all of the sudden, my mind was in sync again and I was at peace. My heart went into spiritual AFib and Jehovah-Rapha got it back into rhythm. I did blow it. But it didn't take forever to return. Thank you, Jesus, You are indeed changing me! My father used to say "A sinner leaps into sin and loves it. A saint lapses into sin and loathes it."
I find great comfort in these two verses: “The LORD is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). And also, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand” (Psalm 37:23-24).
